August 11, 2014 by
In the past, the BDSM lifestyle started with a Dom/Domme getting to know a Sub/Slave first. You needed to know their wants, needs, and expectations before you got into a relationship. There are so many facets of this lifestyle that you needed to know these things. Even then you still needed to earn honor, respect, and most importantly Trust. These things did not just happen because you were horny. They came with time, learning each other, and Love. But now it seams people are just looking for a quick fix, a quick lay. It doesn't matter with who, or what you are doing, as long as you get off. To me this is not what makes a true BDSM relationship. It's just Sex. Some may say i am to old fashioned thinking this way. But i believe this is what has become of the lifestyle. I hope some of you agree with me. I know some won't. I would really like to hear what you all feel about this. So lets talk.

August 21, 2014 by
Whatever happened to contracts between D's and sub's? I always thought it was a gesture of respect of the D for the s to engage in a contract. And if contracts are so "old fashioned", then why aren't the titles Sir/Master/Mistress/Domme done away with?

August 6, 2014 by
Ok, let me be honest. This book and especially the movie coming out is seriously pissing me off! Yep, I just have to call this so let's write few words about it. Let's take a look what this so called dominant man Mr Grey is about: - Disrespectful, abuses verbally - Bad temper, low self-esteem which causes him to go haywire and damages and destroys everything around him since he's so "dominant" he can't even control himself - Due to his low self-esteem, controls goings, comings, meetings and reacts badly when things don't go his way - Doesn't really pay attention to her, it's all about him Now to me, that sounds more or less like an abusive man who has no idea what dominant man could be about. Control yourself, respect her, take care of her and seek to it that she's happy, it's your responsibility. What he's doing is pretty much just yet another abusive prick who I'd be happy to see spending the next 40 years in prison. And the sad thing is, now people are reading this bullshit, soon watching movie about it and they think they know what BDSM is all about. Now how sad is that?

May 25, 2014 by
As it seems cm closed down completely I think it's finally time for a change. I have been a member in collarme for years, but I have honestly grown quite tired the way it has gone lately. Just lots of spam and fakes. Especially the fakes have pissed me off big time in recent times, more and more are coming in over there and I've really grown tired of it. I hope that this site continues to grow and administrators keep doing a good job as they seem to be doing now, deleting the fakes and keeping this site as the cleanest one I have seen. Only if there would be more members in here it would be perfect, but one can hope right?

August 21, 2014 by
Well, less than 24 hours and I'll be attending my first munch. Scared? Hell yes. Nervous, sure am. All the doubts and curiosity and questions and wondering if they'll like me and will I find someone. All these thoughts going round and round in my head. All the reading I've done and listening to people talk about it. Well, in less then 24 hours I'll know. A good friend is going with me and I'll have my car. I can always walk out if I want. And I'm still nervous as hell.

September 18, 2014 by
That's right, where and when did BDSM start from? Approximate timeframe, where in the world? Who decided on safe words and contracts and all the other associated with BDSM. I have to admit, I'm interested in the history of it. Who decided all the rituals and formalities of it? The protocol? Who and how did it evolve? I know what BDSM is, pretty sure I'm in the DS part of it (LOL). And who decided that D/s should be done that way? Why not make it D/S? Next, who decides what a DOM/Master/Sir is? Are there classes? Do you take a test? Are you a journeyman/intern? Who decides when you have the qualifications? I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing some answers to my questions and I am serious about my questions. V/r

December 11, 2012 by
Age old question:How can you hurt the one you love?Answer: Let me count the ways...1 and only 1 subspace flier wanted!If the above is not enough to get the point across nothing will!BTW I am a Scorpio so deal with it!

August 7, 2014 by
Finding someone you trust enough to have casual sex with is bad enough, but finding someone who is into the same kink as you, fills the right position and has the mutual attraction going is almost impossible for some of us.And I am including myself here. As a tiny girl I am already a little cautious about how I approach people (very well knowing that if push comes to shove I will definetely not have the upper hand) and adding my submissive nature to the mix is definetely not helping.I know that I am naive in thinking my first relationship or sex or whatever is going to be what I want, but even if my experience is solely on paper I know my desires and what gets me going.So what to do? Well I kind of chose the internet and an anonymous approach to things, just so I can have the safety of getting to know the person that I give the power to dominate me before anything physical actually happens. It might not work out and maybe I won't find someone to serve here, but at least I know I am being save about all of this.Since I hardly have real life contacts in this field I have to kind of dig around and try to find information that is credible and sensible online on how to find someone to obey, without giving someone who doesn't understand what it means to be a real master/mistress the power to abuse me.What I am trying to say is...hi there! If anyone maybe wants to share some secrets on how to find the right partner for this or wants to chat I would be really happy to hear from youLove and DevotionGrace

August 12, 2014 by
For all subbies only. What do you want in a Dominant? Are you interested in a one night stand or a one time session? Or, are you looking for a relationship? Do you want someone to get to know who you are before a session or relationship? How important is trust to you? Are you interested in something strictly cyber or more personal? Are you interested in just bedroom only or a 24/7 D/s relationship? And most of all, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS A TRUE DOM/DOMME, building a relationship that will last?

October 7, 2013 by
WHAT NUMBER OR NUMBERS DESCRIBE YOU? THIS IS THE ONE YOU SHOULD READ FIRST: Seven levels of submission & three levels of slavery: This controversial explanation takes off where D.S. Veras' "9 levels of Submission" leaves off..... This list (DM-sss) has become sort of a defacto BDSM bible of "Submissive Levels" a submissive/slave may or may not attain. The danger in reading the word "attain" is that a dominant or submissive may look at this list as something to "work toward." This is NOT at all the case. It is not a "stair-step" type of thing, where one begins at level one, and progressively moves through the steps up to the platform's auction block. These ten levels simply give us a very broad idea of where a submissive or slave may be upon her own spiritual path. But there is nothing in here that will keep a person from recognizing limitations and then break through to the next one - up or down.. We tend to like labels, though I (DrMaster) do not particularly care for them myself. There are far too many shades of kink to pigeonhole people - let alone those in this lifestyle. As with anything, I suggest you take what speaks to you, and discard the rest. No level is "better" than another, or classifies one as a "real submissive" or a "real "slave". You know who and what you are, and the only persons to whom one's level of submission should matter - are the ones surrendering. As slaves (#8-10) it matters a lot less. For simplicity I have labeled the dominant as the male and the submissive as female. We all know that this is not real life. But it allows me some liberty with the written choreography. This is the same DM-sss (subbie-slave-scale) I taught at Boston University - summer conference/convention - BDSM I & II a few years ago. We now have many different classes at SAFE HAVEN - usually Saturday night before we go to the SESSIONS - in or outdoors - weather permitting. A complete list of subjects will be forth-coming - or four-cumming! Seriously - Let's Begin: 1)THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or "KINKY SENSUALIST" as - no servitude, humiliation, or giving up of any control; just some minor pain and "spiced up sensuality" in the bedroom -- very light bondage, spanking, chair suspension, blindfolds, dildo's - all for the pleasure of the TWO people involved. Roles can easily be reversed and the "masochist" can easily switch and take the "sadistic" role. All done with a lot of humor and a wink of the eye. She may be bi - he seldom is. When he looks at her - she looks right back at him. May enjoy playing with a simple dog collar and if so "inclined" (say that with one pinkie up in the air) the leash. 2)PSEUDO SUBMISSIVE - not even into "playing" slave but into other submissive role-playing, e.g. school teacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism, "forced” rape - which is really consensual. At this level the “submissive” might be into minor humiliation. Very capable of topping from the bottom by using passive-aggressive techniques. She might lower her eyes - during play time only. 3)PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY - likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; might, in some cases, feels she is being "used" to gratify the partner. May even really serve the Dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. She dictates the interaction to a large degree. These playmates can easily switch, and may even suffer from the "approach-avoidance conflict". (look it up) 4)TRUE SUBMISSIVE - Gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her main satisfaction from her ability to surrender - other than just by serving or being used domestically or sexually by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, anticipation, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility - but not the ability to respond. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still mainly seeks his/her own direct pleasure - rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing. She must be told to switch if you want her to play the dominant role - but, really, her heart and soul are not in it. She may, occasionally, share "her" dominant with another girl. She is much more easily "turned on" than the pseudo submissive - and may even go in & out of subspace infrequently. Sub-drop may be just as strong as those that "live" in subspace - so be careful and thorough with after-care. She may beg for a "real" collar - with or without a witnessed ceremony. 5)SUBMISSIVE "PLAY-SLAVE" - I have a real problem with the term "slave" here - even though it is a popular term for people at this level in the lifestyle. I feel that slavery is pretty much what is described in numbers 8 through 10. But at this level the sub really gives up control (though only temporarily & within limits) and gets her main satisfaction from serving "her" man - but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. She deeply identifies with the 1950's household. Man is a benevolant dictator and may even be the "Daddy" of the entire family - even his (leave it to Beaver) "wife". May or may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys her partner's pleasure, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions. The "Healing Syndrome" starts here. (look it up) which includes sometimes finding other partners for the dominant. Easily goes into the second or even third phase of subspace with just a word or an intense look. Definitely after being severely restricted in some way. 6)UNCOMMITTED, SHORT-TERM, MORE THAN PLAY, SEMI-SUB - Gives up control almost all the time (within limits). Wants to serve and be enslaved by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the so-called "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of agreed-upon several days or years). May or may not have long-term relationship. Either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve and when she comes & goes. Written contracts may be required here. She's still doing it "for her Master". She lives for subspace and nearly dies for the pleasure of asphyxiation. Subspace is a common hang-out now. So are motorcycles and other adrenal rushes. 7)PART-TIME CONSENSUAL, BUT REAL SUBMISSIVE - Has an ongoing full-time 24/7 commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please her dominant in all aspects of life -- practical/non-erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes much of her time to other commitments (e.g. family, job, housework) but the dominant always has first pick of the submissive's free time. When not occupied she seldom moves from his side and is within eye distance at all times. At this level she can no longer switch. The Healing Syndrome is in full swing - aka a number of signs & symptoms where the individual is unwilling (or unable) to take care of themselves in order to take care of "the more important" O/other. These submissive are often imprisoned in their own early and un-resolved feelings of abusive neglect, trauma and/or loss and are willing to selflessly serve another in order to avoid dealing with their own painful past/memories. Unless these past influences/issues are resolved along the BDSM "Spiritual Path" - the results will be implosive. Often these submissive women go from man to man always looking for the elusive "Master” to remove their heavy anchors...and collars. They advertise incessantly but are deeply discouraged and complain incessantly - mostly in their profiles. journals and even hidden in their heartbreaking poetry or music. Her main identity in the lifestyle comes from being owned. Whether she knows it, ignores it or acknowledges it - submission, like slavery, is a Spiritual Path no matter where on the imaginary stepladder she finds herself. When, because of her devotion, she steps up a rank and finds herself both above or below other subbies - it's time for the owner to see with the eye of an eagle and take control. If she concentrates too much on those "below" her and continues to look down she might get dizzy and fall back - or once again turn into the girl she once was without having learned any lessons. If she focuses too much on those "above" her, instead of the goal - she may become discouraged and will never become for what her soul so longs - to be owned - fully & completely. The lesson is to be present...in the moment - not to look below or in the past (except to bring lessons from there) & not to look above or in the future - but to be in the "here & now". It would behoove many that are now in limbo to be/do just that - BEING & DOING in the here and now. The doing is in the being. Find a flotation device somewhere and learn to meditate and be hypnotized by its vacuum and its weightlessness. Subspace addiction comes quickly after that. 8)FULL TIME - LIVE IN - CONSENSUAL SLAVE (first level - finally!). Within no more that a few broad limits/requirements, the "slave" (in quotes because it's not yet the dictionary definition) regards herself as existing solely for the /top/Doms/Lord/Master/Sir's pleasure & well being. Unlike the next two levels - this slave expects to be regarded as a prized possession - not much different from the situation of the traditional legally bound 1950's "house-wife" - except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual and without the social pressures of "Father Knows best"! Within the S/M world, a full time slave's arrangement is entered into with explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than those that usually precede the traditional 1950's marriage. In other words there is at least a spoken contract and more often than not a written one: as it should be at this level. Often, right after being collared, she will beg to be registered and have her numbers tattooed on her most painful body parts. The Roman slaves started at this level (for instance if you became a slave to pay a debt) and sometimes found themselves in the next two, more serious and demanding, levels as well. These levels would sometimes include slave torture to murder. The modern, real-life submissive/slave is slightly different from the other higher or lower levels in that she is "attached" and collared (sometimes even in the legal and/or religious-poly sense) to "her" Master and to her "own" material things. To some the difference between attachment & non-attachment is so huge as to be debilitating. There is a real problem with letting go - and so "slavery" is "proof" that they can let go. But it's not proof at all. They are as addicted to taking orders from their chosen Master as a drug addict is to her crack. They have little choice. But here also - the chasm and lines of demarcation between submission and "slavery" is mostly self-defined. Basically being a sub means (a stronger) bond or feeling of attachment between the Master and "His" submissive, between the sub and "her" things (food, masturbation, etc.) - one that that surpasses service. Here, being a slave means you give up "things" for service. In fact, the vast majority of fe-male submissives are addicted to something, someone or another - and this is often one of the reasons that many modern "slaves" are overweight - or just plain obese. Hormonal imbalances are almost a peculiar and unique aspect of the lifestyle that may at some future time prove to be a missing or extra component of the frequencies that travel through the mothers' amniotic fluid. The hormonal predilection to the "weight" that submissives carry is most probably a remnant of the still fast-shuffling genes on top of a multitude of variables in the dynamic changes of the early amniotic fluid. It is unfortunate that the important role amniotic fluid plays in the development of the non-physical is so underplayed. Heavy metals, hormonal "flushes", deficiencies, drugs, intense emotions, traumas and other aspects of the mother may all play a part in the dys-metabolic and all-addictive tendencies one sees so often in this lifestyle. It is a real shame that the medical profession still has trouble seeing that water, especially the water that makes up the majority of the amniotic fluid, carries memory. They have no trouble recognizing "drugged" or "drunk" newborns, however. But with exceptions, men don't usually bottle things up and that goes double for owners, masters, tops, dominants. So the bulk of weight is carried by those who surrender - and that goes for their addictions as well. They need help. She "cares" for him in a much deeper sense but her service is more often motivated by a strong bond of shared love. Nevertheless, a slave, by sheer definition, has many, if not most choices taken away from her and is actually honed & shaped, not by a feather, but by rough rock & sand-paper (punishment) until her dominant has her mentally & psychologically exactly where he wants her. A very real and practical difference between slaves (#8-#9, all "for instances" of course), would be that while trust and obedience in # 8 involves a non-permanent, less consequential, short-term aspect of lifestyle's lower, non-dictionary definition of the slave, slowly and meticulously evolves from a more serious power stratosphere and demands a much higher level of trust, obedience and a total change of values. Indeed, a relinquishing of any moral, religious or ethical code as the dominant becomes the moral arbiter and enabler for her and he alone determines her moral & ethical structure. He is her religion. But let's not forget that this too is still voluntary and indeed, like love, something that many "fall" into without much realization. The lines of demarcation between numbers 8 & 9 must already be thinning for the submissive to morph into (the middle definition of) slave. Take notice that the slave is still a person. Feelings are still important - to her and her owner.. For example - a dominant could command his slave to get a permanent tattoo, wear a permanent or locked steel collar, call her "slave" or "slut" in front of people in the inner circle (a form of permanently "coming out") - or ordering the slave to suck off a friend - (as say, a birthday gift from the dominant to friend), or being ordered to make love to another woman at a party - or even seducing a woman the dominant likes and taking her home for a three (or more) somes, etc. etc. This is level #9 - (to be discussed next) - the point being that these acts are done inconsequential of her feelings. There are very few limits. But even the Romans had limits of what they could and could not do with their slaves - often dictated more by social mores rather than hard and fast rules or laws. But Rome had more than a few laws regarding the handling of slaves. 9)CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH FEWER - TO NO LIMITS. This is a common fantasy "ideal" in real life. Rarely exists except on-line by inexperienced newbies, those in authoritarian, patriarchal religious cults and other situations where the consent is induced by social and/or economic pressures and hence is never fully consensual. A few SM purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your dominant - without limitations. This is what many "on-line Masters" believe to be true. All I can do is lol. At #8 the slave still has the right to refuse to be away from the dominant overnight. That means a dominant cannot "rent", sell or abuse her out-right without her cooperation. Still this (2nd. level slave - #9) is truly owned and has very few rights - but the relationship is still consensual and often still very loving - but where love is most often directed from slave to dominant - and seldom the other way around. But in #9 we may see an interesting twist. In fact the slave in a modern BDSM lifestyle is something entirely different: she is owned NOT by her Master or Mistress, but by her OWN addiction to slavery - and her deep, undeniable, unadulterated need to serve. She has no choice and both Master and slave are well aware of it. She wears his collar which is much more expensive yet she will act as a toilet, do animals, breath control, bleed, etc. Almost nothing is taboo. She is not even a whore because whores get something in return. No, the people she serves are incidental - just another dominant - Master, Mistress, another submissive or even a slave sister - whomever. She is the ultimate pet, the ultimate slut and while she may get "used to" (translate "love") the dominant - basically she does as she is told - no questions asked. She is on the BDSM spiritual path. And losing her collar at this level can be as devastating as a divorce - if not worse. Because her service is mainly motivated by deep scars of the Healing Syndrome, service and obedience gives her the ultimate bliss, the ultimate float, the ultimate zone - the ultimate equalizer. She uses slavery as her form of healing. Heaven is obedience and obedience is nothing short of heaven. She has given up all responsibilities (the ability to respond) but one: to obey instantly, without thought or even the slightest hesitation - and without any responsibility or thought to the (ultimate) consequences. In fact, she is relieved not to be concerned about being forced to see the end from the beginning. There is nothing else in the world that matters - nothing but blind obedience. She has become an open conduit to coalesce matter. Since these slaves have almost no limitations (except for murder & suicide) and depend entirely on the good will of her superiors for safety and, indeed, to exist - they often refer to themselves in the third person - or even as "it". "It" can be traded, rented, sold and/or given away in real life - sometimes on the (internet) auction block. Dominants may trade, gamble, fight or even kill for her. Or they may watch her on a street corner waiting to be picked up by the first stranger who wants her. She owns nor wants anything - not even the clothes on her back. She cannot be humiliated. She is numb to pain and seldom flinches when hurt. She gives little thought to praise. Smiles for no apparent reasons at all. She lives neither in the past nor ponders the future but is ever-present in the here & now. She is steady in her e-motion-less. She is ultimate pro-tonic simplicity. Her mind does not rule - and it never races. She is totally, exhilaratingly - FREE! And it does not feel like abuse to her. Despite her deep scars she slowly heals herself and those with whom she associates. With time, she eventually emits pure love - pure light and for no one in particular - but herself. The tables have turned and she is living not for the owner(s) she now easily obeys and serves - but for herself only. Pure bliss. My favorite level. 10). So #9 is still defined by the seeking slave “it-self" - whereas in the next higher (or lower level - depending on your point of reference!) - #10 - the slave no longer has the right nor the inclination to define itself. "It" is no longer contemplated - "it" is totally "taken". She lost her person-hood: love, life, healing & light are no longer goals. She may as well not be here and no one would care. She is not seeking and is ultimately alone, feeling nothing. She is already dead - just going through the motions. The collar has lost all it's meaning except to restrain her neck. Pure Slave. No limits. No rights. Non-consensual pain without pleasure. Can be sold, rented out, given away, left alone, raped, killed, etc. This is the "dictionary definition" of pure, unadulterated (3rd & last level of) slavery. Works without compensation of any kind. Number 10 is when not only "being in love" is gone - but when "love" is gone altogether and there is nothing left but the buying, selling and killing of slaves as property - not human beings. This is the Roman-Gorean level and definitely not everyone's cup of tea. It is often the deep, dark cavern male subs and TG's find themselves in....and then have trouble finding their way out. This level has no place in a modern D/s relationship and is illegal (as it should be) in most civilized countries of the world. If you know someone like this - HELP THEM! I'll know you have read this journal when you give me the range of numbers in which you feel you belong. So start out with "hello DrMaster - I'm subbie-slave from #6-9 or 5-8 on the DM-sss" - or whichever gives you goose-bumps! "The Mind of the Master.... is first Master of His Mind". DrMaster (original). Now AKA - DrMaster4U & DrMaster4U2 (thanks to CM's disability to maintain me and my nic!).. See you at SAFE HAVEN in 2014- NO SINGLE MEN! - collaring ceremonies encouraged!